I feel bad I haven't written this until now. But, we had another skull fracture... this time it was little Bryce. I had been making dinner for a neighbor when I had the prompting he was going to get hurt. He was crawling around my legs while I was stirring sauce on the stove. I buckled him in a bouncer chair and scooted him to the side. I felt the prompting again and realized Dallin was bouncing on his head -- sitting on the bouncer of course. So, I took the whole bouncer and put it up on the kitchen island - making sure it was in the middle with room to spare on all sides. Before I even made it back to the stove -- I heard the smack. Somehow his whole bouncer fell off (maybe tommie pulled it? maybe he bounced top hard and it slipped?) But he fell off still buckled in. The side of his head hit first and then the chair broke over on him and smacked his other eye. He didn't cry at first but just stared. i panicked -- yelled for james (who luckily had just gotten home) and just cradled his head. I was sick inside. It had only been a year since my CPS charges from Tommie were dropped and I just knew that Bryce had just fallen from too high. The bouncer keeps him a good 6 inches above the island too. We took him over to Matt porters and discussed our options. Matt agreed he did not look well and the swelling was getting larger. James gave him a blessing and we just felt like an instant late night trip to the emergency room wasn't right. I knew it would become a huge deal with CPS and worried that they would just take him away from us right then. I asked Matt what the hospital would do through the night and remembered from Tommie how much he hated being confined to those cribs. Basically, i held him all night checking his temperature and waking him up every 15-30 minutes. By 8 am we were at Dr. Milius getting skull x-rays ordered and by 3 pm we were in the hospital for CT scans and monitoring. Through it all we never even had to see CPS (thank you Dr. Milius) and got to hold Bryce the whole time. Sure enough, it was a fracture. But, a miracle happened. Because he was only 7 months old, he still had a soft spot on the top of his skull. The way the fracture went, it split up the side, toward his soft spot. A small triangle of bone held the skull from caving in and causing brain damage. The triangle is less than .05 of a millimeter. We let so blessed to think of our own "tender mercy". I know that Heavenly Father was aware of the details of my life, and protected Bryce that day. I think I needed the reminder that I have to focus on my babies, slow down, and enjoy those small times with them. I had started trying to volunteer to all the things people ask me to do and would allow the chaos of "trying to get things done" stop me from focusing on them. It sounds weird, but if I don't have "anything to do" -- meaning anything extra besides cooking, cleaning, the usual...I am just happier. I can focus on them, move at their time frame, and never have moments where everyone is screaming AND i'm getting mad. Sure there are times where everyone is freaking out at the same time, but I am able to maintain my cool and calm them down faster when I'm not stressed with things I have to do. So, that day changed my attitude and ever since then, I quit doing things for other people! I say no when I need to, and don't volunteer for extras right now. I still TRY to visit teach, fulfill my ward missionary responsibilites, and teach RS. But, I don't really do anything else. Every day I ask James "what's one thing I can do for you today?" sometimes it's laundry, but mostly he says "nothing- just play with the boys". And I do! And, I feel so much happier to just focus on what they want. We go to the library when they want, play group when they want, eat lunch when they want, lay on the couch when they want, etc. I can't believe how much more peace is in our home all because my mind frame switched. And looking back, Bryce has always taught me that lesson from day one. He came with such a feeling of peace, and knowing that "nothing else matters". I knew that he needed to be here to force me to give all my energy to them every single day. But, not only that, but to feel totally fulfilled every day that I am doing all that i need to do. I don't feel like i have "lists" of things to do nor that i never have time to get it all done. Sure, my house has gotten messier and i've had to relax on the cleaning regimens. (Please, don't look behind the blinds, in the couch, or at the carpet stains! :) ) But, I have never ever been more happy.
this picture shows his fracture. Son't get confused by the large growth lines marking the different plates.
On the left you can see how swollen his head was. And man, did it get huge. But you can also see a tiny finger- like. triangle piece of bone, reaching out and protecting his brain. No swelling or blood inside the skull.
